Things I was going to blog about but then forgot

21 January, 2008 in me

1. Can someone please hunt down and kill the entire cast of the Churchill insurance quiz show advert. Not just the cheesy skiprat who plays ‘the host’ but that audience member in the background with the greasy straight hair that rolls his eyes and shakes his head. I didn’t think it was possible for an extra to over-act so badly.

Then, if there’s time, gut the guy that sings the HastingsDirect.com jingle and shove his still beating heart down his kid’s throat.

2. I’ve challenged myself to watch The Guardian’s 1000 films to see before you die…before I die. Some of them are shit. Soylent Green, for fuck sake!? If you didn’t know already, it’s people. I just saved you two hours of Charlton fucking Heston pretending he’s thirty years younger than he is and acting like Marlon Brando never happened.

3. I’ve killed my Flickr account and was going to kill this until I found out that a proper blog named my Steven Bywater post as one of the links of 2007. Flickr was an experiment, this was just to keep my fingers loose and prove to myself that I’m still funny. I fancy taking on a subject. Unfortunately everything I’m interested in – and in any way knowledgeable about – is very well covered. New football blog, anyone? Didn’t think so.

4. The impending suicide of Britney Spears. I really do hope that she doesn’t but unless she has a Kate Moss on crack-style renaissance, she’s fucked. Worst of all, you can practically hear the news agencies – that are all paying a fortune to people who can’t see the parallels between paparazzi and stalkers – wanking like monkeys in a zoo at the prospect of the poor bitch doing herself in. Celebrity culture is a disease and if you buy celebrity magazines at the supermarket checkout, you might as well punch kids in the face. That would be funnier.

5. BT throttling BitTorrent downloads and bitching about having to upgrade the network. Aww bless, poor BT. Not making enough money? They sell a product that helps you discover that the Japanese pay half the price for ten times the bandwidth and then act like they’re victims because people like Youtube. Cunts.

6. Why all social bookmarking sites, except for del.icio.us, are shite. If I ever meet someone who comments on reddit, I’ll spit in their face.

7. Predator 2 is nowhere near as good as I remember it.

8. Will someone give me a job. I’m sick of signing on.