I really can’t be fucked to keep this up anymore. I’ve got nothing to say. I don’t think I’m funny. Maybe I’ll change my mind in a couple of months.
Until then:
my tumblelog
Ta Ta!
Despite ridiculing the idea of starting another football blog, I’ve started another football blog. I can’t think of anything better to write about and mustn’t allow the soap opera at Newcastle pass by without comment.
I was flicking through some Youtube videos from my Darlo brethren and happened upon this wonderful, all-new blog that collates the best of their work. I don’t know whose idea this was but they’re either a comedy genius or a simpleton. I just hope they keep it up.
1. Can someone please hunt down and kill the entire cast of the Churchill insurance quiz show advert. Not just the cheesy skiprat who plays ‘the host’ but that audience member in the background with the greasy straight hair that rolls his eyes and shakes his head. I didn’t think it was possible for an extra to over-act so badly.
Then, if there’s time, gut the guy that sings the HastingsDirect.com jingle and shove his still beating heart down his kid’s throat.
2. I’ve challenged myself to watch The Guardian’s 1000 films to see before you die…before I die. Some of them are shit. Soylent Green, for fuck sake!? If you didn’t know already, it’s people. I just saved you two hours of Charlton fucking Heston pretending he’s thirty years younger than he is and acting like Marlon Brando never happened.
3. I’ve killed my Flickr account and was going to kill this until I found out that a proper blog named my Steven Bywater post as one of the links of 2007. Flickr was an experiment, this was just to keep my fingers loose and prove to myself that I’m still funny. I fancy taking on a subject. Unfortunately everything I’m interested in – and in any way knowledgeable about – is very well covered. New football blog, anyone? Didn’t think so.
4. The impending suicide of Britney Spears. I really do hope that she doesn’t but unless she has a Kate Moss on crack-style renaissance, she’s fucked. Worst of all, you can practically hear the news agencies – that are all paying a fortune to people who can’t see the parallels between paparazzi and stalkers – wanking like monkeys in a zoo at the prospect of the poor bitch doing herself in. Celebrity culture is a disease and if you buy celebrity magazines at the supermarket checkout, you might as well punch kids in the face. That would be funnier.
5. BT throttling BitTorrent downloads and bitching about having to upgrade the network. Aww bless, poor BT. Not making enough money? They sell a product that helps you discover that the Japanese pay half the price for ten times the bandwidth and then act like they’re victims because people like Youtube. Cunts.
6. Why all social bookmarking sites, except for del.icio.us, are shite. If I ever meet someone who comments on reddit, I’ll spit in their face.
7. Predator 2 is nowhere near as good as I remember it.
8. Will someone give me a job. I’m sick of signing on.
I didn’t think it was that long. I’m perfectly normal and happy. I just haven’t had that much to say. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m not drinking very much and excluding a couple of mushroom-powered journeys into the centre of my head and the obligatory New Year pill, I’m not doing a lot of drugs. Not even joints. Obviously I have seen stuff that’s made me think “I should blog that.”, but almost as soon as it enters my head, it leaves again. As I type I’m making a mental note to write them all down. Hopefully I’ll remember to post it sometime this year. If not, Happy New Year 2009.
You can’t help but giggle at the attempts to get me to shell out for knob products. If only they knew how massive my cock already is. I thought I’d share some of the efforts I found in my spam folder.
1 – Dr Brad Castillo - Girls do not like you because your dick is too small.
2 – Carson Frost - If your warrior of love is too small, you may lose this war
3 – Amber Shoemaker - Your s’e_xual life will sparkle with brighter colors
4 – Tricia Lange - It’s time you became proud of your willy
5 – Emory Bergeron - FuckstickExtensiveBelinda
6 – Dane Travis - BodypartWideDonna
I’ve been meaning to do this for ages.
For one reason or another, my blogging achieved a little bit of popularity. As a result of that, I’ve managed to make a couple of friends, real and internet. One of those friends (internet) is Flickr commenter, Dotmund. Of all of the things I’ve established about Dotmund (besides his disturbing interest in motor sport), my favourite is that he is an exceptional artist and cartoonist.
Thankfully he does have a site, A Nicer World, in which he displays his brilliant work. It is, quite simply, his idea of a nicer world.Not only do I admire his doodlings but his work reminds me of a more pleasant world in which we could all exist. Each time it appears in Google Reader, I grin from ear to ear and think “I’ve really got to do a post about this. It’s remarkable.”
So there, I’ve done it. Enjoy, spread the world and….I dunno, play with yourselves?
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